I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
