My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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