Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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