I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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