Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
