I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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