i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
