Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
