hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
