omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
