yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
