we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
