He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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