My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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