Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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