cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize