i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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