So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
