I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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