just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
