I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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