You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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