just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
