i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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