i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
There's even glitter on my cock...
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