U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
