i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
