I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
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you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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