saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
