It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
