I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
