the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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