wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
