my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
