I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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