So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
