I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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