i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
