I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It was confusing and full of hummus
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
