Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
