party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she woke up with a sticky ear
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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