I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
