It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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