did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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