And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
