Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
