Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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