Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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