Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
