i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
