I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
