I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
