I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
