Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
