babies were throwing up all over the place
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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