I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
