Got a toothbrush?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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