1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You're my little dorito
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
