First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All I want is dick and wine.
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