sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Even my vagina gasped.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
