Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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