Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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