dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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