please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This is my gift to your gina
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
