Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
