Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
