Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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