This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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