I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
