I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
