Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Come see our sink grown plant.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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